April 2, 2003
Anyone alive in the world

Dear Sir or Madam:

Hello, how the hell are you? Let me begin by saying that I do not wish to enlighten you in any way, shape or form. Furthermore let me state that I do not wish to “shed light” on any searches that you may be conducting. In fact I am of the mind that you should quit searching, have a beer and shut up. All of the answers to life’s questions can be found through either sitcoms or psychic networks. In extreme circumstances the answers to such perplexing questions, like what exactly is a necrophiliac nymphomaniac is can be answered on the Jerry Springer show. Let me further state that the comedy of Carrot top enlightens and touches all that he reaches with his taboo breaking prop comedy. The lobotomy line forms to the rear.


William R. Craft, Jr.


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